Thursday, June 09, 2005
Absence
What is it about physical presence that inherently dissipates so many trivial problems?
In many romantic relationships, there is a period in which the two partners are physically distant from one another, due to the demands of disparate occupations or hobbies. In my admittedly limited experience, when these times have lasted beyond a couple of days, the physical distance has often facilitated an emotional distance. These fissures often arise from tiny rimae that would normally go unnoticed: little things that would normally be kosher, like the way a phrase is voiced, often touch off a fight over nothing or everything. Does the temporary bodily absence of our beloved wither and dry our emotions to kindling? Why? When separated from my friends and family, they do not grow raw towards me, awaiting only the slightest provocation to lash out. Instead, they seem to enjoy my telephone conversations, and my cute emails. Granted, I do not engage in the same level of physical connection with them as I do with my womens; but I am able to appreciate my interaction with them on a fairly constant basis. Does this indicate something about those with whom I choose to share my body? Could this stem from a lack of real friendship with my intimate consorts? Are my relationships so wholly dependent on the physical realm to sustain them that, without it, they dry up within a couple of weeks? I had thought my connections deeper than that, but perhaps I had been illuding myself into believing my love affair more than it was. But each time I find myself really hoping that this time it really will be that something more. And each time, thus far, I've had fight after meaningless/pointless fight over so many little nothings - fights that would not have occurred were we close enough to embrace.
And each time, much to my chagrin, the resulting emotional rift has, thus far, always outlasted the physical separation; once our bodies are once again entwined, our fights still haunt my mind, preventing me from allowing her as close to my heart as she previously was, all the while wishing I could allow the past to slip through the fingers of my mind like so much sand.
Perhaps these problems are already there, and simply masked by the infatuation accompanying the physical intimacy. The separation thus reveals and possibly exacerbates these petty annoyances, ballooning them into real "issues". The "issues" then go on to cause real hurts (emotional injuries) which are not healed simply by physical contact. Perhaps my partner and I can see the futility of this bickering and work to avoid it. Perhaps we can also work to heal the scratches we've already given one another...
In many romantic relationships, there is a period in which the two partners are physically distant from one another, due to the demands of disparate occupations or hobbies. In my admittedly limited experience, when these times have lasted beyond a couple of days, the physical distance has often facilitated an emotional distance. These fissures often arise from tiny rimae that would normally go unnoticed: little things that would normally be kosher, like the way a phrase is voiced, often touch off a fight over nothing or everything. Does the temporary bodily absence of our beloved wither and dry our emotions to kindling? Why? When separated from my friends and family, they do not grow raw towards me, awaiting only the slightest provocation to lash out. Instead, they seem to enjoy my telephone conversations, and my cute emails. Granted, I do not engage in the same level of physical connection with them as I do with my womens; but I am able to appreciate my interaction with them on a fairly constant basis. Does this indicate something about those with whom I choose to share my body? Could this stem from a lack of real friendship with my intimate consorts? Are my relationships so wholly dependent on the physical realm to sustain them that, without it, they dry up within a couple of weeks? I had thought my connections deeper than that, but perhaps I had been illuding myself into believing my love affair more than it was. But each time I find myself really hoping that this time it really will be that something more. And each time, thus far, I've had fight after meaningless/pointless fight over so many little nothings - fights that would not have occurred were we close enough to embrace.
And each time, much to my chagrin, the resulting emotional rift has, thus far, always outlasted the physical separation; once our bodies are once again entwined, our fights still haunt my mind, preventing me from allowing her as close to my heart as she previously was, all the while wishing I could allow the past to slip through the fingers of my mind like so much sand.
Perhaps these problems are already there, and simply masked by the infatuation accompanying the physical intimacy. The separation thus reveals and possibly exacerbates these petty annoyances, ballooning them into real "issues". The "issues" then go on to cause real hurts (emotional injuries) which are not healed simply by physical contact. Perhaps my partner and I can see the futility of this bickering and work to avoid it. Perhaps we can also work to heal the scratches we've already given one another...
# posted by Jeffrey @ 10:04 AM 
